


Lie

by Srash



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 02:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16254701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Srash/pseuds/Srash
Summary: A lie often repeated becomes the truth.





	Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I can remember myself being SUPER uncomfortable whilst writing this because angst and drama, especially on the level I brought it on here was really tearing on me. I think that I even had cold hands a little bit here and there and well....some heart ache so to say because this whole thing is just so sad and angsty and ugh I can't really find the appropriate words for how messed up, in a "good" way this is.

Han didn’t know, what he should say to make Srash stop healing him. His burns were his personal stigma, his price for borrowing the strength of the Five-tails sealed inside him. It helped him to survive for so many years and since this fateful day in his youth, the beast burned most of his skin immediately; an unimaginable pain, that lasted for days and nearly killed Han during the process of obtaining control over Kokuo, the Five-tails. When it was done, most of the pain faded over the years, but in return, every day brought new burns on the tall man’s skin, turned him slowly but surely into a monster. Salves wouldn’t help; instead, they would hurt him even more than the burns did because of their cold matter.

Just when he met Srash Samebito, the third Mizukage, at least the feeling of being seen as a monster subsided given the fact, that he wasn’t human either. The shark treated him like a ordinary person, complimented the burden, Han had to carry and also the burns covering his taller body. ‘You don’t disgust me’ was something, Srash said to him as he presented him all the burns, including the most severe one on his back, a large circular wound that made it impossible for him to lie on his back in any kind, even the smallest touch there hurt Han more than all burns together would. And from all his burns, it was the only one, Srash could never heal; it was a constant reminder of what he was: a monster.

“Do you feel better?” Srash asked while taking care of his partners’ arms, closing the wounds with medical jutsu he learned just to help him. Though Han felt indeed better, the Jinchuriki saw now reason in this procedure. No matter, how often his wounds get healed, they would return at the next day on another spot on his body; only the area around his eyes, parts of his legs and arms were left untouched from the Five-tail’s curse. “Not really.” Han grunted as he sat on the floor and felt how Srash’s chakra went over his injured skin. “It’s really not helping; once these burns are healed, others will follow and then, you have to do it again.” A vicious circle of Srash wasting chakra on Han’s unchangeable condition, that was this entire situation made off.

Why couldn’t he stop as he wanted? Why did he insist on wasting hours just that Han could have one day without pain?

Han wanted to stay stop, wanted his partner to stop this useless action, but he couldn’t force the words over his lips.

Once the last burn was healed, Han felt only pain from the one burn on his back, the one that Srash failed to heal so far; it may sound crazy but, Han was happy about this. Knowing, that there was one burn that the shark could never heal satisfied him, made him accept the subsiding pain of the others more easily. Then, Srash sat down on his taller partner’s lap, laid his arms around Han’s neck and kissed him; how much the Jinchuriki loved this feeling of Srash’s soft lips against his rough ones was indescribable, it felt good with the bitter taste of falsehood because the more Han loved this, the more it would hurt him if Srash came in danger. Just the thought of losing the only person, Han felt close to, because the same pain as the burn on his back.

“Srash” Han whispered, cupping the shorter male’s face in his warm hands, looked into those tender emerald colored eyes. “Yes?” Han wanted to say ‘Don’t leave me’ but he couldn’t. If he would say this, Srash would never stop wasting his time and chakra on healing his burns, what would force him to stay here even more. “Nothing, I just….it’s nothing.” Raising an intrigued eyebrow, the shark was about to ask him, but experience showed him that Han tend to close himself if he forced him into a conversation about things; he obviously doesn’t want to talk about. Instead, the shark placed his head on the mountain’s shoulder and inhaled that warm scent of lemon, which was faint and more a scent of hot, boiling water.

“I am sorry, that I couldn’t heal that burn on your back.” For Han, there was no reason to apologize. In fact, there was no reason, to do any of this. But he couldn’t say it; he only had to see the satisfaction in his partner’s face to swallow any kind of verbal rejection. “You did try your best.” Han grumbled. It was a lie, he didn’t like to be healed, to be taken care of and treated different than he was used to over all these years. It was wrong and Srash knew that from the very beginning, when he suggested learning medical jutsu in order to take of his burns. Why couldn’t he do as Han wanted?

Han was tired of telling Srash to stop; it was like talking with a wall to be honest. And then, the shark something, the Jinchuriki never wished to hear, “I love you.” The tall man smiled, cupped his partners’ face and said the same thing to him. “You make me feel normal, valuable and loved. I am happy to feel this.” It was the truth, but Han doesn’t want to be telling him the truth. He wanted to be both dishonest and honest with the man, he loved. But the more he healed him, eased his pain and smiled at him during and after it, the more did Han felt disgust for Srash.

Later on that day, as the night was closing in, Srash was in the kitchen preparing the dinner, while Han sat on the veranda and looked at the darkening sky. Then, he looked at his closed wounds, at the burns that were now just scars without any pain. For a moment, Han wished to have the strength to open them, feeling the pain and to ruin, what his lover did to him.

“Do it.” A voice from the depths of his mind said. “Ruin what Srash did and make him hate you. Go on.”

Kokuo, the Five-tails, wanted him to do it, to hurt himself, to destroy himself and return to be the monster, Han was supposed to be. Once he did it, he was free to go; Han was sure that Srash would scream at him, beat him and then, after his unconditionally love turned into hate, the shark would force him to leave his home, to never return for the rest of Han’s life. Looking at one scar on his arm, he placed his hand above it and began to dug his nails into the scarred skin, was just about to do it, as he heard Srash’s voice from the kitchen, “Han, can you set the table please?”

Why did he stop? Why didn’t he rip his scar open? “Han, did you hear me?” Srash repeated as he was about to finish cooking and looked over his shoulder curiously, yet Han wasn’t in near sight. He went from the kitchen over to the living room, where he saw at Han sitting there and obviously sobbing. “Han?” His voice was softened as he got closer to him, placing a hand on the Jinchuriki’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“You, you are wrong.” Han answered, pushing his partners’ hand from his shoulder and stood up to face him with tears in the eyes. “Can’t you see that I don’t want this? That I don’t want to be healed, don’t want to be normal?!” His voice became louder, and angrier. “I am a Jinchuriki! An outcast, a monster made for only one purpose: to destroy!” Srash listened to what Han said; let him exhale his anger without responding. That made Han even angrier, “Look at you: trying to play happy family with someone, who never wanted to be a part of this! You don’t just heal me, you cage me! Every time, you take away the pain from one burn, you put another chain on me!”

Han’s body began to heat up; the Five-tails reacted to its vessel’s anger and praised him with new burns all over his body.

“You see this? You can’t stop this; you never will stop the Five-tails from injuring me. So why, Srash? Why do you keep doing this? Why do you want to make me feel normal?!” Han needed an answer, his body was boiling like he was in a fierce battle, every part of his skin itched. All Srash said then was “I love you.” and the Jinchuriki was about to burst out in a scream of anger, as all of sudden, Han felt the burn on his back causing a major load of pain. Before he could react then, the shark cling to him and touched the spot, he was forbidden to touch: the large circular burn on Han’s back. Once he realized, what the other male was about to do, Han tried his best to push him away, but the shark showed an incredible amount of resistance there. “No! Don’t do that!” Anger was printed into his eyes, his voice was loud but Srash seemed to be deaf to whatever he said to. And then, it happened: Srash initiated the medical jutsu, but this time with an overly usage of chakra to close the most painful wound on Han’s body. Once it was gone, Srash stepped away from Han.

It was gone; the strongest reminder of Han’s burden was taken away from the man who claimed to love him. For a moment, Han could only think of killing Srash, taking revenge for what was done to him without thinking about the consequences.

“Kill me.” Han looked at Srash, into those strong and demanding eyes. “That is what you want to do now, right? Do it, I won’t stop you.” Han balled up his fists, gritted his teeth and felt how his wish to kill Srash faded away the more he looked at him.

“You lied, Han.” Srash accused his partner, giving him a grim look and kept talking, “Not only that you lied about killing me, you lied about loving me; I could sense that whenever you said it, there was more lie than truth inside your words.” Han opened his mouth, wanted to say that he wasn’t lying, but that would have been just another lie, his lover couldn’t win against his insecurity that if he would truly love Srash, he could never leave him, never protect him from those, who were after the Jinchuriki’s life.

“Leave, Han. Go away and never come back. If you should ever dare to come back, I will kill you.” These were the last words, Srash said to Han, who could hear and feel, how much they hurt the shark and how much he forced himself to not cry right here and there.

Han went to the bedroom, took his armor from the shelf and put it on before leaving the house, leaving the village, leaving Srash, without looking back.

Out of breath did Han open his eyes, feeling the intense beat of his heart and sweat running down from his skin. “It was just….a nightmare?” He asked himself, not believing that the things he saw, did, said and finally felt were all just part of a horrible nightmare. Carefully did he reach out with his hand, and flinched as he touched something in the dark. Srash was still there, sleeping and warm to the touch.

In this moment, Han wanted to scream, cry, probably both at the same time as the memory and horror of the nightmare repeated in front of his mental eye. Han reached behind himself, bit down a grunt of pain as his fingers went over the large burn on his back; was it odd, that he cried because it was still there? Maybe. Was it odd, that he allowed Srash heal his new burns on the next morning after breakfast? Yes. Was it odd, that Han loved Srash, even if he knew, what this would mean to him? No.

For Han, this was his live from now on: to love a man, he doesn’t want to love. He lied about loving him, lied about the result of his burns being healed, lied about enjoying Srash’s company. But the more lies, Han told him, the more did it felt like a truth, the Jinchuriki found satisfaction in.

**Author's Note:**

> As for the background for this here: back in...2016 I wrote threads with someone who rped with Han and had this freaky headcanon about him getting burns because of the Gobi, so I got this idea of Srash, my OC, attempts to heal those burns on a daily basis knowing that they would be back right on the next day but he didn't care so the entire thing was a big cluster of denial and ignorance leading Han lying about how "good" it felt and how he loved Srash until the point where he believed his own lies more than the truth.


End file.
